I’ve touched a little on what it’s like to deal with PTSD and the VA and this miserable excuse for a government. I haven’t even tried to talk about how nearly every person with PTSD has, if not given treatment, a history of broken relationships both friendships and marriages. As I’ve told at least one of my four ex-wives, “You see the outside of my mental confusions and anger and want to walk away. If you could see inside my mind you would want to run away as fast as you could.” Well, four times they saw a tiny bit below the surface and the trails of dust were amazing as they left.
I can almost explain what it’s like living inside this dark, morbid place I try to keep hidden even from myself. I can, but I won’t. Not yet. Maybe if I see that these superficial discussions I’ve been holding garner some intelligent attention we can go deeper but not now.
But what about the other side of those nightmares? What about that other person who wants to help you but receives little if anything but that damn “Thousand Yard Stare” and silence in return? What do they think? What do they fear? How do they cope with the insecurity and fear and anger and hopelessness that are the core of PTSD?
I’ve found someone who is trying to put those thoughts into words. The blog is called SEMPER FI and the ID of the lady that writes it is PTSDLove on Facebook (I hope I described those things correctly). There are very few words, so far, but I can see myself in the man she loves and I can relate to the world he finds himself a stranger in so I am finding a kind of solace in hearing what his fiance’ is thinking and feeling. It is a small start at a learning experience for me and I hope she continues putting her thoughts on “paper”.
PTSD is a nearly forbidden subject these days because the animals in our government and military and media want us all to be happy, carefree consumers of poisons from McDonald’s and cheap crap from Wal-Mart and the possibility that America might become aware of what they are doing to their own children goes against everything Capitalists worship. The reality that somewhere between 8-18 vets commit suicide every single day of every week of every month and that the US military is now simply giving bad discharges to vets with known symptoms of PTSD are dirty little secrets that our stupid, vapid citizens must never know.
So, go read a little of what she has to say. If you know a vet that shows signs of PTSD urge them to seek help but do so with love, understanding and an awareness that we vets have been made to feel “weak” and ashamed of those feelings, as valid and as life threatening as they are. Remember, vets don’t want your pity, we just need to be understood and accepted and, if possible, loved regadless of our mental moods.